I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
