I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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