I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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