from now on my penis is your penis
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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