We named our party play list daddy issues
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
