I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
