Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
