She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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