Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
