i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
