someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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