So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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