Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
