just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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