i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
