I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
