And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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