Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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