If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
