I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm at about main and main street
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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