One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
