found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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