i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
