The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
