i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
