I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
