No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize