OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
