she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
