I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
