Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
