those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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