Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
