He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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