Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
