it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
