So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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