You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
