pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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