Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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