The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
