I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
