Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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