so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
