Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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