I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
