I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
