I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
barbara walters just said penis...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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