So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
