Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A bitchslap is in order.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
