i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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