The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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