it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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