UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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