is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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