So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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