but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
