I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
