a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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