you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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