i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
