grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
