I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
someone owes me an orgasm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
