i think my tv is drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
