how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
