You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
