So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
