Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
