Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
