dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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