Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
