then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
