twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
