This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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