Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
