I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
