i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
