I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
